The Other Side of Fear

Well I am officially into my last month in England. While I have been doing a terrible job of keeping up with both of my blogs it is safe to say that I am having a wonderful time. This experience has taught me so much about myself and I have changed so much. When I look back at myself a year ago I still see similar pieces of the person I am now. But only pieces. This, I promise, is a good thing. A year's time is a long yet painfully quick time and it has to be cherished. We have to learn from each and every thing that comes into our lives, if not, what are we even doing? Life throws things at you that you can handle, but things that also challenge you and make you better. The way you choose to handle these things determines what happens next. 

I thought I was a tough cookie; I'd been through a lot. But now I know I am. Others have gone through worse, everyone has something. But what I've realized, now more than ever, is that you cannot sit and wait for life to happen. Things are not just given to you. And despite knowing this, it's hard to act upon it still. You have to create opportunities, they don't just happen. I decided to do this exchange to create a new opportunity for myself, to do something new and different, and to get out of my comfort zone. Right before I left I thought perhaps I couldn't do this, or rather that I shouldn't. That perhaps I just wasn't ready. Let me tell you this: I did it. And I was ready. 

I have travelled Europe and the UK. I have met amazing people from all over the world. I have studied in a foreign place. I have read my poetry out loud. I have found out more about myself then I was every going to be able to find at home. It has been hard at times, but I've pushed myself. I've challenged myself, and when I did fall into my old ways of being quiet and anti-social I forced myself to be otherwise. Because I didn't come here to hide in my room. I came here to be the best version of myself that I could be. Now, I might not be there yet; I know I still have work to do. But I know more than ever that I want to try. I want to write, and travel, and see the world. I want to make a difference through my writing and through my actions. I've realized that almost every time fear has crept into my life it has stood between me and something I wanted. I'm going to challenge that fear. I'm going to take it head on. How else do we move forward?

My time in England is coming to an end and my heart is breaking. I will leave behind pieces of me that I know someday I will retrieve through some other aspect of my life. The fact that I found them here, when I didn't even know they were missing, gives me such hope for the future. I cannot wait to find the remaining missing pieces. I feel as though they are scattered all over the world. The people and adventures that surround them are going to be incredible. 

I do look forward to coming home, to seeing all my friends, family and cats, and sleeping in my own bed. But, I'm also not homesick, which instead of making me sad makes me comfortable. It means I'm at home here in England. At home with these people, this culture, this lifestyle and most importantly, myself. 

I've taken that fear I had standing with my mum at the side of the hotel bed in London, tears running down my face, self doubt in my heart. I've taken that fear by the horns. The world suddenly seems so small, so easily mine to explore. 

Fear easily stops us from doing things we desperately want to do. It limits us, and holds us back. Let's start a new trend. Let's greet fear like an old friend, invite it in and stand beside it. Let it push you forward instead of block your path. Choose to fight your fears. I promise it's worth it.